Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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