I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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