can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
