During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
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