chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
