Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
