im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
