I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I can't trust your balls anymore.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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