News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
