I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
