Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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