i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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