i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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