I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
