I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
