i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
