Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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