hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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