Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
