great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
