brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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