Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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