At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
