I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
