i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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