Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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