taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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