Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
