my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I'm always down for nudity.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
