Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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