i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
