$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
