I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
