Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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