My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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