she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
