You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Come on in and take your pants off
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