i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
