It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
