Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
