I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
