I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Pooping to opera.
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