My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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