I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
im holly from the hills drunk
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
