You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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