It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
