I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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