We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
