I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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