how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
